


Dreams and Nightmares

by accio_remus



Series: Dreams and Nightmares [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-28 23:18:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5109170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/accio_remus/pseuds/accio_remus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU after “The Break Up”. Kurt wakes up after being attacked in the alley after a terrible and strange dream with Finn at his bedside.  Some serious conversations lead to a change in their relationship and Kurt wondering if he can trust his heart, with Finn, or with anyone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreams and Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> A special thanks to my beta miasswier/klaineanummel and my artist/fanmix creator klaineitupanotch.

 

 

 

[Dreams and Nightmares Fanmix](http://8tracks.com/elfinder/dreams-and-nightmares-fanmix?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) from [elfinder](http://8tracks.com/elfinder?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button) on [8tracks Radio](http://8tracks.com?utm_medium=referral&utm_content=mix-page&utm_campaign=embed_button).

Kurt tried to sit up and open his eyes, but his body quickly told him that both things were a very bad idea. He felt a large hand on his shoulder, pressing him gently back into the very uncomfortable bed he was in, “Whoa, little brother. Take it easy. You’re going to need to rest for a while.”

What the hell was going on? How was this possible? He had to know what was happening, but he could barely move and he couldn’t breathe. All of a sudden the room was filled with beeping, and then voices. A voice he didn’t recognize was calling his name “Kurt, Kurt, you have to calm down. That beeping you hear is the heart monitor. You’re in the hospital, but you’re going to be okay.”

He tried to focus on what he was being told, but it really wasn’t the hospital part he was having trouble with. Finn was here. Alive.

“He just woke up and I tried to talk to him, but the machine just started going nuts.” There it was, Finn’s voice again.

Suddenly a warm feeling flooded him and he felt his eyelids get heavy again. The beeping went away and he heard the unfamiliar voice say “That should hold him until his father gets here.”

The next time Kurt woke up he was able to open his eyes, but he knew better than to try to sit up. His body felt heavy and sore and there was thick cast on his leg and a bandage around his head. He very slowly turned his head and found his father dozing in the chair next to his bed. His eyes darted to his ring finger and he let out deep breath. It was empty, but he couldn’t quite figure out if he expected it to be or not. His thoughts were still swimming.

“Dad? Dad!”

Burt jolted awake, “Kurt! You’re awake. Good. You and I are going to have a talk in the morning about this hero complex of yours, but it’s the middle of the night. I sent Finn, Sam, and that guy from your band home to get some rest. Finn’s been here since the hospital called him.”

Finn had been here, Finn was fine. “Dad, please don’t panic over this question, but what year is it?”

Burt stared at him for a minute, “It’s December 2013.”

“And am I involved with anyone?”

“Well kiddo, you don’t keep your old man posted on all the details these days but I’m pretty sure you’re single.”

Kurt let out a slow breath, relieved that things were as he remembered them rather than how he’d dreamt them. Content that the major pieces of his life were in place and determined to sort things out a little further when he was less heavily medicated he let the painkillers drag him back to sleep.

The next morning Kurt woke up with a much clearer head to find Finn once again next to his bed.

“What the hell were you thinking?” He’d only seen Finn this angry a few times, but there were no chairs flying so at least he was getting better at dealing with his anger. Now that Kurt was awake he had started pacing the small room, stomping back and forth with enough force Kurt worried for the room below his.

“It’s good to see you alive and well too,” and while he’d definitely meant that sarcastically his stomach turned over just a little at the thought what happened in that weird dream.

Finn stopped pacing and looked at him, “You can’t do stuff like that. Those guys could have been armed!”

“I couldn’t let them kill that guy,” Kurt said, trying to project calm he wasn’t really feeling quite yet. “But maybe running in there wasn’t the greatest move.”

“You think?” Finn picked up his coat and a backpack off of the chair, “I gotta go. I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry. Burt will be back in a little while anyway. I’m so sorry.”

Kurt couldn’t help but notice that Finn didn’t look angry anymore, he just looked sad. He had no idea what Finn was sorry about.

Now that he had a moment Kurt tried to remember as much as he could of that weird dream. In parts of it time had gone really slowly, but in other parts it’s like whole months went by in a blink of an eye. He was relieved that most of the really terrible things, like Finn’s death and his father’s cancer, would have happened already if there was any truth to it.

Now that he wasn’t so heavily medicated he was able to remember the events of his actual life clearly and distinctly from dream events. It wasn’t like he believed in visions and all that psychic mumbo jumbo anyway, but it was comforting nonetheless. It was strange, but it seemed like the dream timeline and his real timeline diverged the day after Blaine confessed to cheating on him. All this thinking about timelines and alternate universes just meant he’d let Sam talk to him about Star Wars fanfiction too often. He needed a spa day with Dani, stat.

Kurt was just starting to look for his phone when the door to his room entered and his dad came in followed by a small dark-skinned woman with close cropped hair wearing a white coat.

“Good, you’re awake,” his dad said, “This is Dr. Davis. She’s the one who fixed you up after you ran blindly into a situation you couldn’t handle.”

Few people realized he got some of his snark from his dad. The doctor looked like she was trying not to smile, “Well, Mr. Hummel, from what I hear you were pretty lucky. No internal injuries except for a few badly bruised ribs, your concussion was mild, and the fractured tibia will heal in a couple months.”

“A couple months?” Kurt asked. Cassie July was going to skin him alive.

“Yes, and you’re going to have to use crutches for most of that time. First with the cast and then the boot brace.”

Kurt turned to his father, “Dad, how am I even going to take a shower. I’ll never make it over the edge of the old tub we have.”

“Taken care of. I know you won’t be thrilled by this, but Sam is going to swap apartments with you until you’re well,” Burt said.

Finn, Sam, and Artie shared an apartment since the fall when they had all moved to the city, one that was completely accessible for Artie. He had a moment of worrying about closet size, and then realized he wouldn’t be able to wear half his wardrobe anyhow.

“Oh my god, I’m going to have to live with boys again and wear sweatpants most of the time. You don’t have to lecture me. The universe is punishing me enough.”

Actually it wouldn’t be that terrible, at least the living with boys part. He was used to living with Finn, after all, and it had been nice to have him close by again since he’d transferred to City College from Lima U. A lot had changed for both of them in the last year, and it all started the night Blaine surprised Kurt in New York.

***  
_October, 2012_

_Kurt sat quietly and stared into the distance ignoring the coffee going cold in his hand. His misery was disturbed when Finn slipped out of Rachel’s sleeping area. Finn doesn’t look especially surprised to see him. “I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, I heard most of what he had to say last night.”_

_“I feel like I want to die,” Kurt said blandly, with a slight shrug of his shoulders. Before he could blink Finn was kneeling in front of his chair, grabbing both Kurt’s hands into one of his large ones. “Hey, don’t say stuff like that. You’ve been through worse, and you’re still here, you’re in your dream city, you’re working for Vogue. You’re winning, Kurt. And anybody weak enough to cheat on you isn’t worth it.”_

_Kurt felt himself almost smile, “Thanks, Finn. I shouldn’t have said it that way, I don’t mean it. I’m not going back to that place, especially over a guy. It just really fucking hurts right now.”_

_Finn sat back on his heels and dropped Kurt’s hand, suddenly aware of how much he’d invaded his personal space. “We haven’t had much of chance to talk since I got back, aren’t you going to ask me what I’ve been doing for three months?”_

_“I figured you would tell me when you were ready, and when Rachel let you out of her clutches for a few seconds,” Kurt replied._

_“I think I’ve been released, and I think I’m going to be okay with that. I’m not there yet, but I think it’s time. I’m not what she wants, I was just there. I’m going to head home tonight and try to figure out what comes next. I think I need to talk to someone about some stuff.”_

_“Stuff?”_

_“Yeah, stuff. Stuff like my dad, and Drizzle, some dating type stuff I need to sort out, and how I’m going to figure out what to do with my life,” Finn said._

_Kurt nodded, “Just make sure that person is more qualified than Mr. Schue, okay?”_

_“Yeaaah, he should probably find someone to talk to himself,”_

_Kurt snorted, and then looked embarrassed he made a sound like that at all. “See you’re already making good decisions. So, what do I do about Blaine?”_

_“Can I kick his ass and dump him in the park?”_

_Kurt laughed, but shook his head “That won’t help anything.”_

_“No clue. I think you have to figure that one out yourself. I will say that you have to know by now there are plenty of guys out there. You shouldn’t settle for someone who blames you for their cheating. I know a little bit about being cheated on.”_

_“I just keep trying to figure out what I did wrong.”_

_Finn shook his head, “Look, even if you weren’t giving him enough attention that doesn’t make it okay to do what he did. He could have talked to you, he could have written you a letter, he could have come to visit you before he hooked up with someone else instead of after. That is on him.”_

_“Thanks. I think I knew that, but it’s nice to hear it.”_

***

Finn had left later that day. He had taken classes at Lima U, started seeing a counselor there, and decided to transfer to City College all on his own. Together they had decided to start a band so Finn could still perform.

Kurt realized he had let his mind wander while the doctor and his father were still talking, “I’m sorry, can you repeat that. I’m still a little tired.”

“I was just telling your father that you should be able to go home later today. I’m just waiting on some test results before I sign your release paperwork,” said Dr. Davis.

“Thank you. Dad, is Finn coming back? He doesn’t have class today.”

Burt shook his head, “He said he had some final projects to finish up and he’d be at the library until late, so I gave him money to take a cab back to his place. My flight isn’t until tomorrow morning so I’ll help you get settled.”

Finn had told Kurt he was finished with his assignments for the semester the day before Kurt was attacked. He only had a written final in his easiest class left to go. Between this and Finn dashing out of his room earlier with random apologies something was definitely up.

Later that night Kurt intended to stay up and see if some warm milk would help Finn talk about why he was avoiding him, but between the medication he was on and the exhausting trip to get his essential belongings and transfer them to Sam’s room he fell asleep long before his step-brother came home.

Kurt woke up the next morning frustrated not only by missing his chance to talk to Finn, but by his leg throbbing and another day spent on the couch before he could perform his final for Madam Tibideaux. He hobbled out to the kitchen area to make himself some breakfast to find Artie on his way out the door. Judging by the mess in the sink Finn had already grabbed breakfast and left.

“Hey Kurt, are you feeling okay? Need any tips on getting around?” Artie was pulling on his shoes, his backpack already looped over the back of his chair and secured with the special lock  
he found online before he’d moved to the city.

“I think I’m going to stay home today, I’ve got some things to work on for Isabelle if I can concentrate long enough,” he said setting up the coffee machine. “Is Finn already gone?”

“Yup. He was in a hurry too. Said he was going to the gym,” Artie said with a shrug, “He doesn’t usually go on Wednesdays, must be a hottie he’s trying to get with.”

Kurt nodded. Something was definitely up with Finn but he didn’t think it was his love life. Finn had never had much success keeping that to himself.

“Anyhow, I’m out. Got some editing to do and then lunch with the lovely Marissa.”

Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes, Marissa was the third “lovely lady” that Artie had seen this month alone.

Kurt finished making his coffee and then set himself up with his laptop at the kitchen table. Sam didn’t have a desk in his room and it was easier for Kurt to be closer to the fridge and the bathroom. Before he got down to work he allowed himself a few minutes to try to guess what was up with Finn.

If it was his love life then the only reason for the avoidance would be if it was someone that he knew Kurt would disapprove of. Rachel had recently reconnected with Jesse St. James, and to everyone’s surprise he was actually helping to manage her ego and seemed to have gotten a grip on his own. Quinn visited occasionally from New Haven, but seemed determined to make the long distance relationship with Puck work. She claimed it was actually good for her academically to have nowhere to go on a Saturday night.

There were a few other options these days, but Finn had just as much reason to dislike most of them as Kurt did. Kurt had to admit he was honestly a little surprised when Finn finally told him about the “dating stuff” he’d wanted to sort out with the counselor.

***

_December 2013_

_Kurt had just finished putting the fake Christmas tree he’d bought together when there was a knock on the door. He stopped himself from running across the loft, but just barely. He opened the door to find his dad, Carole, and Finn waiting on the other side._

_“Merry Christmas!” His dad said as he and Finn dragged several large suitcases into the loft behind them._

_“I’m so glad you’re here! Thank you for understanding why I didn’t want to come home.” Kurt was taking voice lessons and dance classes in the city to prepare for starting NYADA and he hadn’t wanted to miss them for a long stay at home._

_“For what I’m paying in tuition I can’t argue with you taking your education seriously!” Burt said with a smile._

_“Let us take you out to dinner, and then your dad and I will head back to the hotel,” Carole said, “Are you sure Rachel doesn’t mind Finn using her room?”_

_“Not at all. She’s on a cruise with her dads. She won’t be back for another week at least.”_

_“That’s cool. We haven’t had much time to really talk lately, we can each other up on what everyone’s been doing,” Finn said, sliding his duffel bag behind Rachel’s curtain. “So, about food?”_

_On Christmas Eve their parents left with promises of letting everyone sleep in tomorrow before a relaxed gift opening and brunch. Kurt was putting the finishing touches on his french toast casserole when Finn turned off the television and came into the kitchen._

_“Can you put on some milk? There’s something I need to talk to you about,” Finn said. Kurt noticed how he was twisting his hand around the back of the chair, this was serious._

_“Have a seat. I can do better than milk. How about some hot chocolate with real whipped cream?” Kurt asked, pulling a tin and some bottles off of the shelving unit they used as a pantry in the loft. He knew Finn didn’t want any Kaluha in his, but he wouldn’t mind if Kurt made his own cup more festive._

_Once both men had steaming cups of hot chocolate in front of them Kurt took the chair next to Finn’s and said, “So what’s going on?”_

_“You know mom arranged for me to see a real therapist right? She was worried about the army stuff.”_

_“You told me when I called at Thanksgiving. How is that going?”_

_“Good. I think. At least I’m starting to figure out what I think about stuff instead of waiting for someone to tell me what to think.”_

_“That’s good, and I’m sorry for the times when I was one of those people. I know I can be a little pushy, but I think I’m getting better.”_

_“That means a lot. The thing is, you weren’t exactly wrong about all of it.”_

_“What do you mean by that? I know I was right when I said you deserved better than holding Rachel’s purse. Oh, did your therapist tell you to burn the plaid too?” Kurt knows that isn’t what Finn means, but he can’t quite let himself make the leap to what Finn is getting at. The joke does make Finn laugh, and he seems to relax a bit._

_“I’m at least a little bisexual, and I know you had a fight with Blaine because you don’t think that’s a thing, so I hope you’re not too mad at me.”_

_Kurt felt sick. He hadn’t realizes that Finn knew about that particular fight with Blaine and he hated that it might have caused more stress for Finn while he was sorting things out. And then there was the fact that Finn wasn’t 100% straight after all._

_“First, I was an angry little brat when Blaine kissed Rachel. While I still think that Blaine is not bisexual, merely not at all picky where his affection comes from, I do know that some people are attracted to men and women and if that’s you then you have my support._

_Finn seemed to relax nearly completely at that, “You said “first”. Is there a second?”_

_Kurt quirked his eyebrow, “Second of all what exactly do you mean by “a little bisexual”?”_

_Finn shrugged, “Girls are hot, and sometimes I think guys are hot. I just ignored it or told myself I was jealous of a guy’s six-pack or whatever so I had an excuse to notice.”_

_Kurt rolled his eyes and interrupted, “What is it about Sam and guys in the closet, or not so in the closet?”_

_“Hey, I didn’t say anything about whose six pack. It’s more than just noticing though, and I’m cool with it now. I like both blondes and brunettes too.”_

_Kurt looked closely at Finn’s expression, “Finn Hudson this is not just theoretical! You have hands on experience!”_

_Finn gave him that half smile that still did something to Kurt, but he did his best to ignore even the slightest twinge of those feelings. “Not kissing and telling, but I met this guy when I was in Georgia. Worked on a horse farm and he was hu--”_

_Kurt put his hands over his ears, “Wait, I was wrong. Your love life is still TMI even when the parts are more interesting.”_

_Finn just laughed and tried to waggle his eyebrows in what Kurt could only assume was an attempt to leer like Puck, but he didn’t quite pull it off. “Okay, fine. He was a good guy though. What about you? Back on the horse?”_

_“Not yet, but let’s call it a New Years’ resolution. We can go to a club.”_

***

No, Kurt didn’t think it was about Finn’s love life, and he still had no idea why Finn was avoiding him.

That night Kurt took his pain pill and settled into bed hoping the next day would give him a chance to sort things out with Finn. His dream started out strange, like he was back in that weird other life. He was arguing with Puck over Finn’s jacket, as if he didn’t know how hard his worst nightmare would be on his friend. As if he wouldn’t have saved something for Puck.

Before he and Noah could sort things out his dream world shifted again and he was  
walking down the street he was on when he saw the guys beating the boy up. He went to help again except this time one of the men pulled out a gun and Kurt started screaming. A few seconds later he heard other voices. He heard Artie say “Dump a glass of water on him!” and Finn reply with “Nahh, dude. He’s starting to wake up.”

“What’s going on?” Kurt muttered, fumbling for the bedside light and his phone. He glanced at the screen, “It’s 2:30 in the morning.”

“You were screaming in your sleep, be glad you didn’t wake up Mr. Bowers upstairs, he’d probably call the cops on us again,” Artie said.

“I’m sorry guys. Go back to bed, I’m fine. It was just a dream.”

Artie nodded and wheeled himself back down the hall to his own room. Finn gave him a look like he didn’t believe him for a second, but tried to bolt out the door anyway.

“Finn, wait a minute. What did I do? At least have lunch with me tomorrow so we can talk about it. I’ll order from that place you like with the huge sandwiches.”

“You didn’t do anything, and neither did I. That’s the problem.” Finn seemed to struggle with the decision for a minute before he replied “Subs from Lombardo’s? Okay. Lunch tomorrow. But you’re going to have to tell me about these dreams and why you freaked out in the hospital.”

Kurt thought about it for a second, “Fair enough.”

He really hadn’t planned on telling anyone about the weird dream he had in the hospital, but maybe it would help his nightmares.

Kurt kept himself busy the next morning wobbling around the apartment straightening up and trying to decide how much he should tell Finn about his dreams. By the time Finn got home  
Kurt had the sandwiches delivered, turkey and avocado for him and a meatball supreme for Finn, and had decided that he might as well tell Finn the whole thing.

Once they were both settled at the table Finn didn’t give him a chance to ask his questions before he got right to the point, “So, you’re going to tell me why you freaked out in the hospital, and what last night was all about?”

Kurt put down his sandwich and took a long drink of water. “When I was in the hospital I had a very strange dream where almost everything since I broke up with Blaine was different. The pain medication they had given me for my leg was so strong I wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t.”

“What kind of strange dream?”

“Well, like I said it started in the past and went into the future. It was like years of our lives, all of the New Directions and some other people too. Horrible things kept happening, like Rachel messed up her chance with Funny Girl, and Dad had cancer, and I kept breaking up and getting back together with Blaine over and over again for no reason. Lauren and Sebastian just disappeared after a while so that was only half bad. One year had two Christmases and I’m not sure which one was worse. We all ran back and forth to Lima all the time, I swear Quinn and Mike were the only ones who weren’t going to flunk out of school.”

Finn just stared at him for a minute or two. “So it was all bad stuff?”

Kurt considered for a minute.“No, not all bad. Santana and Brit got married, Mercedes was going to open for Beyoncé, and most of us were super successful. Some things were the same, I still put the band together.”

“So what was I doing? School Counselor of the Year? Mechanic to the Stars? “

Kurt took a deep breath, “Finn the reason I freaked out when I woke up was because in my dream,” He took a minute, “Finn, in my dream you died in the spring of last year.”

Kurt was trying to keep it together, but he knew how devastated he’d been in his dream, how lost they’d all been.

Finn put down his own sandwich and was just staring at Kurt.

“So, you don’t think this was a warning, or like a promotion or something”

Kurt shook his head, “A premonition? No. that psychic stuff is bullshit. But if it makes you feel better lots of stuff would have happened already that never did. Not just that.”

“How did I die?” He knew Finn would ask, but he didn’t have an answer. There were just things that were missing from the dream.

“You know, I’m not really sure. Time tended to skip around a lot in the dream. I saw parts of three years, and then little bits of things five years after that.” It had taken him a while just to try to sort out when things would have happened relative the life he was actually living.

Finn seemed to accept his explanation. “So is that what your dream last night was about?”

“Well, it started out that way. Puck and I were fighting over some stuff. In the dream you never moved to New York, so Dad never offered Puck your spot at the garage. Puck had a real rough time when you died and joined the Air Force. Funny though, even with everything being different Quinn still took him back around the same time.”

Finn swallowed and took a long sip of his water. “If you’re trying to distract me it’s not going to work. Tell me about last night.”

“Caught that, hmm. Okay, so last night the nightmare part was that I was back to the night of the attack, except this time the guy had a gun.”

Finn seemed upset, like he’d been when he bolted out of the hospital. “Geez Kurt, you know that’s what could have happened right? You could have been the one to die, and for real. I wasn’t there.”

“Of course you weren’t there, I was on my way home from work. Now, speaking of distracting from the tough questions: why have you been so upset these last couple days?” Kurt was confused. Once and while Finn would hang out at the diner and eat the food the kitchen screwed up, but Kurt wasn’t expecting him the night he was attacked.

Finn shook his head. “I told you I would protect you, and look what happened. You can barely walk, who knows how many different ways you came close to dying and I was playing video games with Sam! How can you forgive me for that?”

“That’s why you haven’t been here? Finn, there is nothing to forgive. You’re my friend and my step-brother. You are not my bodyguard. I’m not fifteen years old anymore, I don’t need you, or Blaine, or anyone to rescue me like a damsel in distress. You might still see that kid who made the football team dance, but I’m a grown man.”

Finn looked at him seriously for a long minute, “You’re right, that was a long time ago, and a lot of things have changed. Promise me though, if something ever did happen to me, you and Burt would take care of my mom.”

“Of course we would, but we’re stuck with each other for the long-haul.” He meant every word. They were a family no matter what. His dad was so happy with Carole and Kurt was able to worry about him a little less knowing he wasn’t alone.

When Kurt was still struggling with his break up Carole had sat him down and told him about some of things she’d learned from men she’d stayed with too long. She was awesome and she and his dad were good for each other.

“So, I have questions. Were there lots of hot girls crying at my funeral? What did Rachel sing? Did Coach Sylvester spit on my grave? Come on, spill.” Finn seemed to have processed his possible demise and moved on, given his enthusiastic enjoyment of his sandwich.

“Finn, that just weird. I can’t talk about that. If I give you something good will you leave me alone?” He knew he couldn’t go into too much detail without breaking down, which would just be awkward and pathetic. The dream was still just a tiny bit too real.

Finn seemed to sense his discomfort, “If it’s really good.”

“In the dream timeline Miss Pillsbury ditched Mr. Schue at the altar. There was a reception anyway and most people hooked up with their exes.” Kurt cringed a little at that but kept going, “Except, that is, for Santana and Quinn. Who hooked up with each other.”

Finn was nodding, “Yeah, that’s pretty good. Are you sure for that part you weren’t having one of Puck’s dreams by mistake?”

Kurt shook his head, but he was smiling, “That would make more sense.”

“So, back to normal? Band rehearsal at 7?”

Kurt nodded, “Whatever passes for normal around here, yes. I’ve got some new songs for us to try.”

***  
The next week or so went slowly for Kurt as he couldn’t get around very well, but otherwise things seemed almost normal. It seemed like Finn was paying more attention to him, and spent more time with him watching movies and playing Mario Kart. It was different, but they were living together now and both of them had faced the idea of losing the other. Kurt was, however, still having nightmares about the attack and had woken Finn and Artie up again on Monday.

He woke up to Finn gently shaking him awake. As he regained his bearings Finn put his hands on his shoulders, “It’s okay. I’m fine. You’re fine. You’re home in bed.”

Kurt was able to shake the confusion pretty quickly this time and looked around. He realized that Artie, who had the room next to his, had yelled for Finn to help Kurt, which made Kurt feel less guilty since Artie hadn’t gone to all the trouble to transfer back to his chair in the middle of the night. He really wished he could stop shaking so he could thank Finn and let him get back to bed.

“I’ll be right back,” said Finn, darting out of Kurt’s room in the direction of his own. When he came back he was holding a small square of soft, ragged fabric. He smiled and handed it to Kurt, “Here, try this.”

“What is it?”

“It’s my geegee! My blanket from when I was little, it kept the bad dreams away. Maybe it will work for you,” Finn said as he ran his finger over the worn patch of light blue.

Kurt smiled, and leaned up to hug Finn, “Thank you. That’s very thoughtful, I’m sure it will help.”

Finn squeezed him tightly. “It’s just a loan,” he said, jokingly making a very serious face, “I don’t want to have to hunt you down like I did Quinn to get it back.”

Kurt decided not to ask, and instead nodded. “Of course, I promise to take very good care of it.”

“I know you will,” Finn said as he got up and moved to the door, “Goodnight Kurt, sweet dreams.”

“You too, Finn Hudson.”

***  
A few days later Kurt noticed Finn watching him. He cleared his throat and Finn jumped, “Do I have something in my teeth?”

“What? No. Um, I was just thinking. I scored two tickets to the Rangers game tonight, but Sam got called for a photo shoot. Do you want to come with me?”

Kurt smiled. He had confessed to Finn a year or two ago that while he would never be a huge sports fan he didn’t mind hockey so much now that the puckheads at McKinley weren’t out to get him.

“Yeah, that’s sounds like fun. Let me put on a sweater and we’ll grab some real food before we head over there. All of this sitting around does not leave much room in my diet for greasy nachos.”

Kurt knew that getting to Madison Square Gardens and to his seat with his crutches would take some time, but he was too stubborn to admit it was going to be an actual problem. Instead he made sure they left in plenty of time so they could wait for breaks in the crowds. Kurt was thankful that Finn was a much more patient person than he was. He was certain he would not have been laid back about the whole journey if their situation had been reversed.

Everything was going as well as could be expected until it was time to go to their seats. Kurt concentrated on placing his crutches on the stairs, but there was barely enough space on each one to maneuver. He’d made it about two thirds of the way when he was bumped from behind and started to slip. His heart leaped to his throat and he was certain what happened next was going to be both painful and embarrassing.

He must have let out a noise as he fought for balance because as he started to fall long arms grabbed him around the middle, pulling him tight against something solid. When Kurt caught his breath he realized that Finn had grabbed him and he was still pressed up tight against the other man’s chest.

“Thanks for that, this is a little harder than I thought,” he said and pulled back a little, though Finn seemed in no hurry to give up his grip on Kurt’s waist.

“You might not need protection, but I’ve still got your back,” Finn said and dropped his hands to his sides.

“Hey, we can still have each other’s backs. Right now you’re going to spot me until I get to our seats. Next time we go out for Mexican I’ll stop you from getting the deep fried platter of death you always regret two hours later. “

Finn laughed and moved to the side so he could keep an eye on Kurt going down the stairs. Kurt was worried he would be in someone’s way, but Finn smoothed things over with every person who had to squeeze by them, and Kurt found himself admiring Finn’s ease with people once again.

It wasn’t until they got to their seats and took off their coats that he noticed Finn had changed before they left. He was wearing new dark washed jeans that actually fit and the navy v-neck sweater Kurt had picked out for him on Black Friday. He looked really, really good and Kurt had to remind himself that he wasn’t supposed to notice too much.

Assuming that Finn’s openness to male partners would have any effect on their relationship was something he had talked through at length with Elliott and he was determined not to damage the easy friendship they had fought so hard for no matter what feelings he couldn’t quite let go of.

The game was an easy win for the Rangers, and after Finn had bought them pretzels Kurt was feeling warm and happy. The first time that the Rangers scored Finn threw his arms around Kurt, which would have been great except that his ribs were still pretty tender. Finn saw him wince.

“Oh god! I’m sorry Kurt. That was so stupid!” Finn looked extremely upset and Kurt rushed to calm him.

“It’s okay, it really didn’t hurt that badly. Injured, not helpless, remember? I’ll tell you if there’s something really wrong.”

Finn dropped back into his seat, “That was a pretty awesome play, though.”

Once most of the crowd had left they decided it was safe enough for Kurt to try the stairs. He swung up to the next step only to have Finn’s large hands clasp around his hips, clearly trying to avoid his ribs. He looked back over his shoulder, but Finn just shrugged, “Can’t take any chances.”

Determined to keep his mind on getting up the stairs without causing a scene Kurt fought the blush that was creeping onto his face and put his crutches onto the next step. It wasn’t until they were in a cab home, a cab Finn insisted he would pay for since they, “shouldn’t fight any more stairs tonight,” that Kurt could finally admit that something was a little different about the way Finn was behaving. He would definitely have to pay attention.

***  
A few days later everyone met up for band rehearsal at the loft. They’d been rehearsing for an hour when Elliott called a break and pulled him aside, “Did something happen between you and Finn?”

“What? No! You know I won’t go there.” Kurt wasn’t ready to consider any plan but the one he’d been following for years, the plan of deep denial. He didn’t want Elliott to see him blush so he went over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water for each of them.

“I meant a fight or something, but okay, something else too. He’s kind of been staring at you all night,” Elliott said taking the bottle from Kurt and gesturing vaguely to where Finn was messing with the tension on his snare drum and talking to Dani.

“We had some stuff to talk about after the attack but we’re good now. The best we’ve ever been actually.” That was true. Things were great. Oddly great.

“If you say so. You’re not slipping into old habits?”

Kurt tensed. They were dangerously close to “You had a crush on Finn and you weren’t afraid to show it” territory and he couldn’t stand to hear that from someone close to him again even if he knew Elliott was just doing what he’d asked. “I didn’t tell you about my history with Finn so you could jump to conclusions about either of us. A lot has changed.”

Elliott softened, “That wasn’t what I meant. I know this is really complicated for the two of you. Everything is really complicated with most of your friends... don’t ask me why. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Well, he couldn’t deny that. Elliott had only heard a few of the stories and it was that obvious. “I’ll be fine. I’m not getting tripped up on a silly high school crush.”

“That’s a pretty casual way to describe things. I’m just saying you’re not the only one involved here, and something’s up,” Before Kurt could interrupt Elliott put his hands out to stop him, “but you decided it was too risky and I’m here to support you.”

“Thanks, it was the right decision. I just need a reminder every now and then.”

No matter what he told Elliott, and he felt bad lying to him, something had changed between him and Finn. At least he thought it had. That nagging feeling that he could be making it all up in his head didn’t go away easily. The fact that Elliott had noticed eased his worry a little bit, but he did mean it when he said he was sticking to his earlier decision. He had to.

“Happy to help,” Elliott said. Kurt pushed those thoughts out of his mind for the time being and called everyone back to rehearsal.

***

Kurt was still trying to sort out what was happening when a few days later he, Finn, and Artie were eating a rare dinner together before school ended for the semester. He had the beginnings of a plan to see what was going on with Finn. Kurt had made lasagna because it was Finn’s favorite, and the good version with the sausage and cheese wasn’t exactly healthy enough to make once they were home with his dad.

When he was done eating he leaned back in his chair and said, “One of my instructors is a consultant for the off-off-Broadway run of Spamalot on Thursday night. Would either of you like to join me?”

“That’s the Monty Python one right?” Artie asked.

“Yes, it should be pretty funny,” Kurt said. He was playing a little dumb, inviting Artie along even though he knew he was going to a film festival at Columbia.

“Sorry, can’t do it. I’m booked, can’t let Olivia down.” Artie was doing this smug little head bob and Kurt was dying to tell him he looked ridiculous.

Kurt rolled his eyes and Finn asked, “What happened to Marissa?”

“Been there, done that.”

Finn shook his head, “Dude, you’ve got issues. And I say that as the best friend of Noah Puckerman.” He turned to Kurt, “I’m in.”

“Excellent. The show starts at seven tomorrow, it’s not too far downtown,” Kurt said.

Finn was busy helping himself to another slice of lasagna but he replied, “Cool. We should get dinner before that, pick a place without a lot of stairs.”

***

As he got ready to leave for the show Kurt finally had to admit to himself that he was “slipping into old habits” as Elliott had put it when Finn finished getting ready and came into the living room.

Finn smoothed out his shirt, though Kurt could see it was perfect already, and asked, “Do I look okay?”

It took Kurt a minute to respond as most of the blood had left his brain at the sight of Finn in well-fitting black pants, a silver button down shirt, and black vest with black and silver tie. The other man looked amazing and Kurt pretty much wanted to forget his resolve and jump him right then and there. Instead he swallowed hard and said, “You look great.”

Trying to figure out his next step he decided he needed back up, “We can leave in a minute, I just need to go call Elliot. There’s something I need to talk to him about. I’ll be quick.” It took all his self-control not to run into his borrowed bedroom.

Elliott answered on the second ring, “Kurt? What’s up?”

“I’m in big trouble here. That old habit is looking really, really good and is happily accompanying me to a musical,” Kurt whispered furiously into his phone.

He was not amused to hear laughter on the other end, “Elliott! Be serious. Yes, I asked him to go with me because I wanted more information, but that information wasn’t supposed to come from my dick.”

“Kurt, I know you. Your dick follows your heart, not the other way around. Just relax and have a good time. It will work itself out.”

“And if it ends with screaming?”

“As long as it’s the good kind of screaming,” Elliott said and Kurt could hear the leer in his voice from across town.

“You are a horrible friend, and I’m hanging up now,” Kurt said, but before he could hit the button to end the call Elliott spoke again, “You can keep fighting it. Nobody would blame you, it’s true that it could blow up in your face. Just ask yourself if you’ll regret not knowing for sure. Is living with that going to be any easier than living with a strained relationship for a while?”

“I’ll think about it.” Well, that conversation wasn’t supposed to go that way. He was supposed to be able to go back out to the living room calm and in control of his feelings. Instead he couldn’t shake Elliott’s question. What would he regret more in the long run?

Finn was quiet on the way to dinner, as if something was bothering him, so Kurt decided to give him a little space. Kurt’s mind was still spinning with Elliott’s question.

Kurt had picked a gastropub close to the theater, and the hostess smiled brightly at them as she led them to a booth in the back of the restaurant.

“I always think a little privacy is more romantic,” she said with a wink, “Your waitress will be with you shortly.”

Finn looked at him and shrugged, “Guess we look like something special is happening.”

Kurt nodded and slid into the seat, carefully balancing his crutches against the wall. “Guess they’ll change their mind when you stare at the waitress’s boobs,” Kurt said without thinking. Then he saw the seriously hurt look on Finn’s face.

“I’m sorry, Finn. That was bitchy.” He was sorry to hurt Finn, but under normal circumstances that comment would be a joke. He reminded himself that these circumstances, while still confusing, were definitely not normal.

“Never mind. How’s Elliott?”

Kurt adjusted his menu so he could see Finn’s face. He thought he heard the strangest bit of bitterness but maybe it was just his imagination.

“He’s fine.”

“So nothing so terrible it had to be handled right as we were leaving?” Okay, there was definitely an edge to Finn’s voice now. Wait, was Finn jealous of Elliott? They definitely didn’t need anything else complicating whatever this was. He had to think fast.

“I’m sorry about that. Elliott had a date tonight with a guy from his yoga class he’s been crushing on for a while. He wanted me to approve his outfit before he went to meet the guy,” Kurt said watching carefully for Finn’s reaction.

Finn immediately leaned back in the booth, his posture loosening. Interesting. “Oh! Good for him. I hope it works out.”

Finn was smiling now and Kurt relaxed a bit too. He didn’t like lying to Finn, but there was nothing going on between Kurt and Elliott. Kurt’s type was much more wholesome than his edgy friend. Obviously. After the waitress came to take their order Finn started talking about Monty Python and the classes he was taking the next semester. Clearly the earlier tension had all been Elliott related and was out of the way now.

He’d been trying to convince himself that Finn’s behavior was due to Kurt’s bashing and the thought of something serious happening to him, but he couldn’t write off Finn’s jealousy that way.

The food was delicious and they were done in just the right amount of time to get to their seats in the theater before it was too crowded for Kurt to move around easily. Kurt knew he should have been watching the performance but instead he was watching Finn. He was still a little haunted by the idea not having him around.

Regardless of what role Finn might play in his life, Kurt knew that it was an important one. The more adult part of Kurt’s brain said that he should just sit Finn down and ask what was going on. The part of him that still felt like an embarrassed teenager told him to squash those feelings like cockroaches before it blew up in his face.

Finn was clearly enjoying the show, laughing in all the right places. From the bits Kurt caught it was probably a really good thing that this was a funny show, because the cast was not particularly talented. In fact he was pretty sure Finn’s classmates at City College could be counted on to do an equal job. Still, he’d have to come up with something positive to say when he thanked his professor for the tickets. His companion enjoying the comedy was a good start.

When the lights went up they waited until most of the crowd had cleared out before Kurt made his way up the steps. He couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that Finn didn’t try to hold him up again, but it would have been pretty obviously unnecessary.

Later that night Kurt had another nightmare. He was in the alley again, but this time instead of strangers it was some of the guys from the McKinley baseball team who were attacking him. They’d always been particularly bad because neither the Glee jocks nor Coach Bieste had any sway over them. He screamed as he felt the bats connect with his body until once again he was being shaken awake.

Finn was staring down at him again and he looked like he’d been crying. “Dude, I couldn’t get you to wake up right away. It was awful. How do you keep doing this?”

“I don’t really have a choice. Soon I’ll be off the meds for my leg, I think that will help,” Kurt said, the tension in his body starting to fade a little. “Thank you for waking me up.”

“Is there something I can do to help?”

“You’ve already helped. Could you stay? Just until I fall asleep again?” Kurt wasn’t sure if asking that was over the line. Then again he wasn’t sure where the lines were or if they were so important anymore.

“I can do that,” Finn said, stretching out on his back with his hands behind his head like there was no other place he could possibly be. “Hey look, you finally got me into bed!”

“Hardy har. Thanks Finn.” Kurt rolled over and tried to figure out when they’d gotten to a place where they could joke so casually about things and what it meant. Before he could make any decisions the medicine and his exhaustion took over and he was fast asleep. He slept peacefully through the night. When he woke up Finn was back in his own room and his “geegee” was tucked under Kurt’s hand.

The next morning Finn was not only up and ready before Kurt, but he had bought a box of the specialty donuts they only indulged in on rare occasions.

“What’s wrong? Is dad okay?” There was no way Finn would have went out early to get the donuts unless he was trying to soften the blow of something.

“Burt’s fine. It’s you I’m worried about,” Finn said, wiping some custard off of his chin.

“I’m fine.” He was. The nightmares were unpleasant but if losing a little sleep was the worst of it he could take it. He’d taken worse.

“You’re not fine. You have enough to face with your physical recovery and keeping up with school and work without letting these nightmares drag you down. ”

It was hard to be creative when he was so tired. “What’s your point?”

Finn grabbed another donut. “You know I see someone at the counseling center at school once a month, right?”

“Yes, and I’m proud of you. It would have been easy to blow it off once you moved here.” He’d seen a therapist for a few months when his mom died. His dad had tried to get him to go back in high school but he hadn’t seen the point at the time.

“Well, I called her this morning and asked if she had any recommendations for a friend of mine who was struggling after being attacked. She gave me the information for a support group. It’s open to non-students and I think you should go at least once and try it out.”

“A support group?” Dragging himself around town on his crutches to go whine about his problems in front of a bunch of complete strangers really was not that appealing.

Finn wiggled his chair a little closer to Kurt’s. “For people who have experienced violent acts. That’s how she said it, anyhow. Honestly, I think you’d probably qualify even without the attack in the alley.”

Kurt realized that Finn had pulled so close their knees were practically touching. To distract himself he forced his eyes to Finn’s and had to stifle a gasp at what he saw. Finn was as serious as Kurt had ever seen him. He was clearly worried, and he had dark shadows under his eyes from staying up with Kurt. Maybe this wasn't something he just had to deal with alone.

“This is important to you?” Kurt asked.

“You’re important to me. But yeah, I think it will help. Talking to Dr. West in Lima, and now Erin at the counseling center has really helped me. I’ll go with you if you want.” Finn had put a hand on his arm while he was talking and Kurt could feel the warmth working its way through his body.

"Okay," he said after a moment of thought, "If you'll go with me I'll give it a chance."

Finn's face lit up. "Yes!" he said with what Kurt felt was a truly mortifying fist pump. "The next one is the day after tomorrow. Why don't you let me plan something fun afterwards?"

Kurt couldn't help but smile at Finn's enthusiasm, "Okay, but something we can do sitting down please. I'm sick of these crutches already."

"It's a deal."

He still wasn’t sure that a support group would make any difference, but if it would make Finn feel like he was helping he’d give it a try.

***

Two days later as Finn was holding the door while he wobbled out of a small conference room on Finn's campus Kurt had to admit that the support group might actually help him. He had been worried that people would wonder why he was there for a couple breaks and bruises, but the other members had put his mind at ease and shared some stories of their own. He was not the only member suffering from nightmares. The group leader, Dr. Vasquez, had mostly let them talk. He did suggest a few exercises for both before he went to sleep and when he woke up from a nightmare that Kurt was willing to try.

Once they made it to the elevator Kurt looked up at Finn, "So where to now?"

"Times Square, but don't worry we're not staying there and you get to sit down."

"We're not tourists, Finn." If Kurt had his way nobody would ever realize he wasn’t a native New Yorker. After the first two weeks of running around to different tourist spots with Rachel he’d pretty much left his awe of the city behind. Most of the time.

"I know, I know. This is cool though." There was something about Finn’s enthusiasm that was hard to ignore, it had always been that way.

Once they got off the subway Finn led them to a nice looking coffee shop, "Mocha latte?"

"Isn't it a little late for caffeine?" Kurt had enough sleep issues without extra chemicals keeping him up and he was pretty sure asking Finn to sleep in his bed again was a really bad idea.

"Hot chocolate then? You'll want something to keep you warm."

Kurt was not the type of person who enjoyed the outdoors. It sometimes frustrated his dad, and he was sure Finn knew how he felt on the subject. "Where exactly are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Okay, hot chocolate it is." Finn couldn’t have planned anything too strenuous at least, given Kurt’s physical limitations at the moment.

Finn bought two large hot chocolates, and walked just halfway down the block before showing something on his phone to a man in what looked like a chauffeur's uniform. He nodded and pointed to the double decker bus parked across the street.

“Finn, we are not tourists.”

Finn shrugged, “Just take it easy. This isn’t a regular tour.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m getting easier every day.” Oops, that just slipped out. Kurt bit his lip, worried he might have gone too far.

“Good to know.” Now, if you asked Kurt yesterday he would have said that a smirk was not really an expression in Finn’s toolbox. After all, it takes a certain amount of bite to pull it off and Finn just doesn’t have much. Finn had definitely just smirked, and Kurt was fucked.

“Top or bottom?”

Kurt stopped so abruptly he had to scramble to keep ahold of one of the crutches and made a bit of a choking sound.

“The top of the bus has a better view, but the bottom will be warmer,” Finn said as if he’d just asked the world’s most innocent question.

“Sounds like fun either way. Let’s start on top, and we can probably switch if we feel like it later.” Oh my god. Kurt couldn’t believe he just said that. He just said that to Finn. He just said that to Finn and Finn laughed.

“Sounds like a plan to me. Go ahead, I’ll follow you up the stairs in case you slip.”

In for a penny in for a pound, “No staring at my ass.”

Finn shook his head, “Don’t worry, the pants that fit over your cast don’t do much for you anyhow.”

Kurt was lost deep into his own head as he settled in his seat and sipped his hot chocolate. They were really in uncharted territory now. He was so distracted he almost missed the guide at the front of the bus welcome them to the New York City Holiday Light Tour.

He turned to Finn and grinned. “Holiday light tour?”

“Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t get to see all the store windows and stuff with your leg, but this was the next best thing. I love Christmas! We should start the season off right!”

“I do know how you feel about Christmas. I was reminded last year when you woke us up at 5:30 am. This is amazing, but it’s a good thing layered knitwear is in this year. It’s going to get cold up here.”

Finn smiled again. “I planned ahead,” he said as he reached into the backpack he’d been carrying and pulled out a bundle. He handed Kurt a pair of very warm-looking navy earmuffs that matched his wool coat, and slipped a knit Buckeyes hat over his own ears.

Kurt was impressed once again with how well Finn had thought this out. “It’s like we’re grownups or something.”

“Well, some of us have grown up in more interesting ways than others,” Finn said.

Okay, they were going to have to actually talk about this and soon. “I personally find emotional maturity very sexy.”

The bus started to edge out into traffic and Finn just shrugged and took a sip of his hot chocolate.

The tour was perfect. The window displays on 5th Avenue were just as beautiful and creative and Kurt had hoped, and Finn was obviously enjoying the overflow of Christmas spirit. Not only was the tour guide funny, but he knew a lot about the city and even Kurt, who had been reading about New York fanatically since he was 13 learned some new things.

As the bus worked its way towards Lincoln Center Kurt saw Finn sending one of the pictures he’d taken at the last stop to someone with a text. When Finn realized he had noticed he tucked his phone back in his coat pocket and smiled, “A picture for my mom. That last display with the snowflakes reminded me of when I was a kid.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Mom worked hard, but we hardly ever had any extra money. She knew how much I loved Christmas though, so we would go on a light tour every year on Christmas Eve. We would walk up the block looking at lights and at every corner we’d flip a coin. Heads we went left, tails we went right. We saw a lot of lights before we’d get tired and take the shortest way home.”

“That’s lovely. Why haven’t you done it since the wedding?” Kurt really loved the idea of Carole and little Finn getting so excited over their neighbors’ Christmas decorations.

“Well, we did it partly because we didn’t have anything else to do. Mom doesn’t have any family, so we didn’t have anyone to spend Christmas with. Now we do. Plus mom is happier all year round, so it’s a more than even trade.”

“Dad’s a lucky guy. We should all do that together once we get home for Christmas. We’ll have to drive this year though,” he said motioning to the cast on his leg.

“We can make a Christmas playlist and everything,” Finn said, even more excited now than he had been at the start of the tour.

“We each get veto power. No Baby It’s Cold Outside,” Kurt said.

“And no Last Christmas”

“Definitely not The Chipmunk Song,” Kurt said. When Finn looked at him questioningly Kurt just sighed, “It’s a long, weird story.”

“We’ll make the list together,” Finn said.

As the bus made its way through the city Kurt could feel the temperature start to drop and the wind pick up. He knew the tour was almost over, so rather than ask to go downstairs he tried to hide his shivering from Finn. It really had been a great night and he didn’t want Finn to worry about him.

He made it about three minutes before Finn turned his way, “You’re shaking.”

“It’s a little chilly, but I’m fine,” Kurt said.

Finn snorted, “I can hear the buckles on your boot jingling.” He watched as Finn twisted a bit until he was facing the side of the bus with Kurt in the middle. “Come here.”

Kurt suddenly found himself sliding down the bus bench, pulled close to Finn so his back was against Finn’s chest and he still had a view of the lights. He felt Finn’s long arms wrap around him and after a second of hesitation let himself relax into Finn’s body.

“Warmer?” Finn’s mouth was right next to his ear and Kurt could feel how warm Finn’s breath was on his skin.

“Much better.” Kurt almost asked then and there what was going on, but he didn’t want to ruin the moment. If it all went to hell with one conversation at least he’d have this moment when all he had to cuddle with was his boyfriend pillow. If that was shady or selfish so be it, but it was better that they talk at home in private at least.

They passed the rest of the tour like that, and Finn left an arm around his shoulder on the subway ride home as well.

As they rode the elevator in their building Kurt decided he was going to have to man up.  
“Can we talk? I’ll make some hot chocolate.”

“Yeah, sure,” Finn said with that damn half smile of his. Finn unlocked the door to their apartment and held it open for Kurt. Kurt shuffled a few steps in the door trying to decide how best to approach the subject when he stopped short.

Clearly they had arrived home earlier than expected, as there was a blond girl riding Artie in their living room.

“Oh my god!”

“Dude! Common areas are off limits! We agreed.”

“Can you guys turn around?” Artie was grabbing for his pants that were currently flung over the old recliner next to the sofa.

Kurt was already staring back at the door, and Finn joined him. Kurt and Finn shared look, but it was Finn that spoke. “We’ll be in my room. Please don’t be naked when we come out.”

“Same goes,” Artie said with wink. Kurt kind of wanted to punch him. Things were strange enough without the insinuation that Kurt was going to jump Finn at the first opportunity. Finn was bright red. Great. Kurt was losing his mind.

“Goodnight Artie,” Finn said feigning politeness, “Goodnight Olivia.”

As they walked towards the bedrooms they saw Artie cringe.

“Who the hell is Olivia?” said the blonde. Kurt couldn’t help but snicker as he and Finn moved to Finn’s room as quickly as possible trying to escape the truly unpleasant scene that was about to unfold.

Kurt closed Finn’s bedroom door behind them and leaned against it, “Well, that was awkward.”

“No kidding. I’m guessing she’s already gone,” Finn said, flopping on to his bed. “I hope what Artie said to me didn’t upset you,”

Kurt was more confused than ever. “Upset me? Finn, what is happening here? I’ve been watching, waiting, and trying to figure it out, but you’re not just some random guy from my study group I hit it off with. Have you thought about this at all or do things just keep happening and I keep reading too much into them?”

Well, there it was. It may have come out a little harsher than he intended but he felt like he was losing his grip a little bit.

Finn sat up on the bed, he wasn’t smiling but his eyes were warm. “I’m not trying to confuse you or make this difficult, but I need to make sure I explain this right and I don’t think right now is the best time. We’ve had a long day, and Artie is here, and it’s just weird now so I’m asking you to trust me just a little longer.”

“Finn, we fly home in two days, and this will just be twice as awkward at home no matter what you have to say.”

Finn looked thoughtful for a minute, “Have dinner with me tomorrow, just us, and I’ll tell you everything. You can trust me, and trust yourself that this is real.”

Kurt had never been a particularly patient person, and waiting even another day to know where exactly he stood was not going to be easy. Still, he did trust Finn and the assurance that there was something real happening between them was really what he’d been after tonight. It didn’t hurt that Finn was right about it being an exhausting day.

“Okay,” he said putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder and looking him in the eye. “I do trust you, more than anyone. Dinner tomorrow.”

Finn did smile now, “Get some sleep and do those exercises they talked about at group. I’m here if you need me.”

“I will. Goodnight Finn.”

“Sweet dreams.”

***

Kurt stayed awake for a while thinking about what Finn had said and replaying the last few weeks in his mind. Having Finn confirm that things had changed between them and that the other man’s behavior had been intentional sent a thrill through Kurt. It had been years since he’d allowed himself to consider anything other than friendship with Finn and even in the last week when he had some very definite clues he’d really only begun to process the change.

He wanted to just roll over and revel in the possibilities but he’d promised Finn that he would try the mind clearing techniques Dr. Vasquez had recommended.

When his alarm went off the next morning Kurt was having a weird dream about dating some guy he met online older than his dad. While he much rather would have dreamed about Finn it wasn’t a nightmare so he decided not to worry too much about it.

He made his way out the kitchen where he’d left his phone to charge and checked his texts. He had one from Artie apologizing for last night. One from Finn explaining that he had to drop some paperwork off on campus and meet with his advisor but they would have dinner at six. The last was also from Artie saying he wouldn’t be home until after midnight. He had to wonder if Finn had arranged for them to be alone or if it was just a lucky break.

Kurt decided that he would go stir-crazy sitting around the apartment all day, so after a few quick texts to make plans he got dressed and headed to the music store where Elliott worked. After all these months he knew how to time it so Elliott would be ready to take his lunch break when he showed up.

“Kurt! I could have met up with you after work. You didn’t have to hobble all the way down here,” Elliott said as they walked to the coffee shop down the street from the store.

They slid into a booth and Kurt shrugged, “I needed to get out of the apartment today, and I can’t meet up with you later because I’m having dinner with Finn. Just the two of us. To talk.”

They gave their orders to the waitress who brought their coffee right away. “Whoa. What have I missed?”

“Last night, after he took me on a holiday lights tour and cuddled me for 45 minutes in public I decided it was probably time to get some answers. So I asked him what was happening.” Kurt knew his face was probably ridiculous, but just remembering how close Finn had held him last night made him grin.

“But you’re talking tonight?” Elliott looked skeptical, and Kurt couldn’t blame him. If he hadn’t been there he’d think Finn was messing with him on purpose too.

“We arrived home to find Artie and his flavor of the week en flagrante delicto on the living room couch. It kind of killed the mood. Especially when Finn called her the wrong name.”

Elliott winced, “Yeah, that would do it. How do you think it’s going to go tonight? You can always crash at my place if you need some space.”

Kurt paused a moment, warmed by the fact that he knew no matter what Elliott was in his corner.

“I don’t think that will be a problem. He said that I should trust him, and that this is real. The actual definition of this is what I intend to get out of him tonight.”

“I’m happy for you. I know you’ve been working to respect his boundaries for a long time, even when it seemed they were changing. If this goes the way you want it to cut yourself a break and enjoy it.”

“Oh, I plan to.” Before he could say anything else the waitress brought his burger and Elliott’s veggie burger. Kurt took a big bite of his burger and considered his next question. “You don’t think the whole step-brother thing is too weird?”

Elliott shook his head. “Nah. Besides, nobody really needs to know who your parents are. Everyone who knows already also knows the whole story. They’ll probably just be relieved you two finally got your shit together.”

“But what if it doesn’t work? He’s not some casual date from school.” Now that he was fairly sure Finn did want to change their relationship he had to consider what that would mean if it didn’t work out. He was comforted by the fact that Finn did tend to stay friends with his ex’s which was more than Kurt could claim. His contact with Blaine was limited to liking each other’s Facebook posts.

“True, but how would you know about casual dates? You had one fling on the rebound with a guy at Vogue and have been living like a monk ever since.”

Kurt blushed. It was true he didn’t date much. After Blaine, and after messing around with Chase he had decided that he wasn’t into hookups and he’d rather wait for Mr. Right. His dad would be thrilled, not that Kurt ever intended to talk to him about the subject.

“I guess other than him being capable of some passably witty flirting there isn’t much that’s going to surprise me about Finn. I know pretty much everything about him, and I also know he won’t cheat on me,” Kurt said.

If there was one thing he was sure of it was that whatever relationship they had wouldn’t be destroyed with infidelity. They’d both been hurt too many times to cross that line themselves.

“Can I be there when you tell Rachel? Remember what I said about complicated and your friends? You live with your possible boyfriend’s first time and his ex-fiancé,” Elliott said, his eyes shining.

“Yes, but that’s somehow not as weird as it should be. We’re all blind to it by now. I was the only one who wasn’t really in the mess until now. Maybe. I still don’t know what this means.” As much as he once wished he’d been included he was thankful now for the lack of bridges burned.

“Yes you do. I’m pretty sure that’s what Finn was trying to tell you last night. He wouldn’t play around with you.”

“Thanks. You always know what I need to hear. So, let’s talk about your love life for a while. So there actually is a guy in your yoga class?”

Kurt spent the afternoon running errands after carefully using the maps app on his phone to find a place where all the things he needed were fairly close together. His last stop, one he hadn’t made in quite some time, was at the drug store. If he was going to prepare himself for the worst possible outcome he may as well prepare for the best possible outcome as well.

He arrived back at the apartment around 5:00 planning to shower and change. He was a little surprised to find Finn in the kitchen chopping vegetables and singing under his breath. It was adorable.

“When you said dinner I figured you were having something delivered,” he said with a smile.

“You know mom made me learn how to cook before I left for New York, so I figured I’d put it to use. I hope you don’t mind steak and salad.” Finn tossed some carrots in the big bowl in front of him and picked up a green pepper.

Kurt didn’t mind at all, in fact he was touched that Finn would go to the trouble even for a simple meal. “That sounds great, I’m going to freshen up and I’ll meet you at the table?”

“I’ll be here when you’re ready,” Finn said, and paused for a minute, “But maybe that’s your line.”

Kurt had no idea how to respond to that so he just shook his head and went to get ready. At least even in their rather conveniently accessible bathroom showering with his cast was still quite the chore and he had to concentrate on what he was doing instead of freaking out about what was going to happen when he was done.

Slipping on his least hated pair of track pants and a soft blue shirt he went out to the kitchen where Finn was just setting plates out on the table. “Thank you for cooking, it looks great,” Kurt said.

Finn grinned, “I’m glad. Have a seat, I just need to get the salad dressing out of the fridge.”

As he watched Finn and looked down at his plate he was struck by how easy it was when they spent time together. It had been years since they felt the need to be anything other than themselves with each other.

Kurt could like what he liked and it didn’t matter if it was Alexander McQueen, hockey games, or cheese puffs that left his fingers coated orange. He didn’t have to feign sophistication, but Finn never thought him snobbish for the nicer things he did love. He guessed it was the same for Finn. Finn could eat meat, and play video games, or watch a musical and Kurt just accepted it as who Finn was. Maybe this was what he should have been looking for all along, maybe he was.

“So… food first, gut spilling second?” Finn asked. Kurt nodded and smiled around his fork. A strange sense of calm had taken over since he sat down at the table. In a little while everything would be out in the open.

They ate and talked about plans for the holiday break until both their plates were empty.

“Okay, I guess I’m up. Let’s move to the couch,” Finn said.

They settled in comfortably, each leaning against an arm with one leg each drawn up on middle cushion. They were facing each other and there was barely any space between their knees.

Finn took a sip from his water and said, “When you told me you didn’t need me to protect you it made me think. I stepped back and saw how much you’ve grown up. Don’t take this the wrong way, but even if I’d been honest with myself back then I’m not sure 16 year old me would have been attracted to 16 year old you. Does that make me terrible?”

Kurt shook his head, “It would probably be weird if you found kid-me more attractive. I am aware that I am generally better looking now. I’m glad all that work is paying off. For the record, you’re more attractive as an adult as well.”

“Gotcha. Okay, cool. So in addition to realizing you’re hot I realized that I'm not trying to rescue because you're helpless. I'm trying to help you because I care about you. It just turns out that I love you in more ways than I thought I would.”

Kurt’s heart was beating a million times a minute, “You love me?”

“Yes. But what I’m trying to explain is that I’m also in love with you. And hot for you.” Finn said reaching over to put a hand on Kurt’s leg.

“Yeah, don’t leave that part out,” Kurt muttered. There was no possible way he could have prepared himself to actually hear Finn say that.

“Kurt?” Finn looked upset, and it actually took Kurt a minute before he realized he should probably say something back.

“Sorry. Finn, I’ve been burying feelings for a very long time. I tried to convince myself that I was just infatuated with you because you were kinder to me, and that worked for a while. And then there was Blaine, and I did love him. It was easier, being in a relationship. But since you’ve been in New York, and since the attack we’ve been spending so much time together and I wasn’t able to deny that my feelings for you never really changed. I think it’s good that we both got to grow up a little before the time was right for us. I love you Finn, and now that I don’t have to fight those feelings anymore I want you to know that I’m in love with you too.”

Finn was smiling brightly and Kurt couldn’t help return his grin.

“And hot for me?” Finn asked with a chuckle.

“Why don’t you let me show you? I’m not that kind of guy, but I think we’ve been dating for a few weeks by most people’s standards,” Kurt said leaning forward just enough to press his lips against Finn’s.

Finn made an encouraging noise and pulled Kurt closer to deepen the kiss. An amazing kiss which was currently turning Kurt’s brain to mush and waking up every cell in his body. That was when Kurt realized that while he certainly wanted to pull himself onto Finn’s lap he was not going to be able to live out that particular fantasy while his leg was still in a cast. He gently pulled back, not taking his hands off of Finn’s shoulders.

“That,” he said still out of breath, “was worth waiting for.”

“Then why are we stopping?” Finn said, trying to pull him back in.

“We’re not. We’re pausing while we move to the bedroom because I don’t know how to do anything on a couch with my leg in this cast.” Kurt glared at his leg as if somehow that was going to make the next very long weeks go faster.

Finn stood up, catching Kurt’s hand in his, “You’re sure you want this?”

Kurt just started a minute before making a face he was sure communicated his sincere disbelief that Finn would even ask that right then.

Finn raised his free hand as if to placate Kurt. “Okay, stupid question. My room or yours?”

Kurt let out a short laugh. “Well, I think Sam would prefer if we limited ourselves to your bed instead of his.”

Finn nodded. “Oh yeah, he’s cool but nobody’s that cool,” he said reaching up and gently pushing a stray lock of hair from Kurt’s forehead.

Kurt leaned into the touch, “Why are we still talking and not in your bed?”

“Okay, then.” Finn said, and before he could track what had happened Finn scooped him up and carried him into the bedroom. Finn set him down carefully on the freshly made bed. The rest of the room was clean as well.

Kurt quirked an eyebrow. “Somebody had plans tonight?”

“And that drugstore bag on the bathroom counter is new toothpaste?” Oh. He knew he’d left that somewhere. Kurt really enjoyed being able to flirt back and forth with Finn, but they were wasting time. He leaned up and started undoing the buttons on Finn’s shirt. “It never hurts to be prepared,” he said pushing it off Finn’s shoulders and kissing a line from his jaw to his shoulder.

“Puck got us kicked out of cub scouts,” Finn said as he pulled Kurt’s shirt over his head. He helped Kurt position himself on the bed and ran his hands from Kurt’s shoulders to his waist, just teasing below the waistband of his pants.

Kurt pulled him back up so he could open Finn’s pants, and nearly growled when he ran a hand across Finn’s stiff cock. “Not the point. Go get the bag, and don’t take all day.”

Finn reluctantly got up. “Bossy. Nice. ”

Kurt took a minute to enjoy the sight of Finn shirtless, his hair rumpled, and his open pants sitting low on his hips. “Is that a thing for you? That would explain so much.”

Finn ducked into the bathroom returned quickly, tossing the shopping bag and a washcloth on the bedside table. He just winked, “I guess we’ll find out.”

Okay, Kurt could work with that, but maybe not the first night, “Let’s not overcomplicate things tonight. We’ve got time to try all kinds of things later. Right now I just want those pants off of you.”

Finn hurried to cooperate, and Kurt was annoyed once again that he’d have to wait to do that himself because of his leg. “Shit, we’re going home tomorrow for a week,” Finn whined tossing his boxers in the same general direction of his pants.

It was safe to say that Finn more than lived up to any hopes he might have had given his height. In fact his brain sort of froze for a few seconds.

If he hadn’t been so occupied with Finn getting naked Kurt would have banged his head against the bed. He wasn’t worried about their parents’ reaction, but there was pretty much no way he and Finn were going to be doing much experimenting with them down the hall. “Fuck.”

Finn grinned and sat back down on the bed as he tugged at Kurt’s pants, “I’m trying but you’re still talking and not naked yet.”

Kurt lifted his hips and let Finn pull them off over his cast. At least the sweat pants were easy to get off. Their one redeeming feature. “Okay, less talking.”

Kurt pulled Finn up so he was laying half on top of Kurt on the side with his good leg and kissed him again, running his hands over Finn’s back and down to squeeze his ass. Finn was kissing him back enthusiastically and Kurt moaned when Finn slid his mouth down to his neck. It felt so good to be so close to someone again, to be touched like this again, and the fact that it was Finn doing the touching made Kurt want to move things along before it was all too much.

He had given some thought lately to exactly what they could do in this scenario given his physical limitations. He’d given it quite a bit more thought than he’d like to admit, actually. The good news was he had plenty of ideas.

“What do you want to do?” It was hard to get the words out clearly given that Finn had just wrapped a hand around his cock.

“Anything. Everything. No more holding back,” Finn said as he rutted a few times against Kurt’s thigh, “Just don’t want to hurt your leg.”

“You won’t,” Kurt said rolling on his side. “Lay behind me. If we go slow my leg won’t get bumped much.”

Finn moved up to spoon Kurt from behind, trailing a hand down to tease Kurt’s cock while he made a few playful thrusts against his ass. “You’re a genius. Time to open the bag?”

“Yes. Have you done this part before?” It was kind of awkward question, but an important one. Kurt supposed they’d have time for a more detailed conversation about their activity, or lack of activity in his case, over the past year later.

Kurt heard Finn moving around “Twice, so tell me if I’m going too fast.”

Finn kissed his shoulder and then Kurt felt one slick finger slowly slide into him. Damn, Finn had long fingers too. Kurt pushed back a little, as much as he could, and sighed happily as he was filled. “You can add another, just because I’ve been single doesn’t mean I couldn’t order up a little silicone company.”

Finn groaned, “Add that to the list. I definitely need to see that.” He carefully but quickly followed directions and Kurt was panting as he reached behind to make another point of contact between the two of them. He felt Finn’s free hand give his hip an affectionate squeeze before he shifted just enough for Finn’s fingertips to brush his prostate. The sound he made was highly undignified and he found he really didn’t care. Finn just chuckled and moved his hand the same way again. “Success,” Finn said with a chuckle. It was a good thing that Finn’s playfulness was, in Kurt’s opinion, one of his most endearing qualities because it clearly carried over to the bedroom.

“More,” Kurt said, knowing Finn was more than he was used to and that he would take it to heart if he seemed to have any kind of discomfort.

Finn’s free hand was now leisurely jacking him off as he slipped another finger in and he was torn between wanting to stay wrapped up in Finn like this as long as possible and wanting so much more as soon as possible. “I’m good.

“As you wish.” Finn pulled back just slightly and Kurt heard him open the condom wrapper. A moment later Finn pulled him close again and Kurt gasped as Finn slid into him and pulled him close to his chest, wrapping Kurt up in his arms. “You feel so good.”

“Oh damn,” Kurt tilted his hips just a little to make the angle just a little better. It was so good. He felt Finn pressed up against him, inside and out. The position, and Finn’s care for his leg, meant they rocked together at a leisurely pace and he had time to feel every different sensation. Finn was covering his neck and shoulder with wet hot kisses and stroking his cock at the same measured pace he used to thrust into his ass.

“Are you okay? Because I’m awesome right now,” Finn said as he picked up his pace just slightly, “Tell me if your leg hurts.”

“Leg’s fine. I’m amazing. Keep going, I’ll tell you if you need to slow down.” There, that was almost coherent, Kurt’s brain was a little light on the processing power at that particular moment beyond full, full, full, and yes, hell, yes.

“Good. Love you. I wish I could do this all night, but I’ve got to speed up now before I lose my mind,” Finn said, his breathing heavy and uneven.

He’d know that actually being with Finn would be different, but he hadn’t expected it to be this intense. The rawness of their confessions, the closeness of their bodies, and Finn’s gentle concern for his comfort almost overwhelmed him with emotion.

Kurt groaned, “I can take it. Come on Finn, give it to me. I’m close.” He felt Finn let loose and thrust into him as hard and fast as the position would allow. Finn’s hand sped up on his cock as well and it didn’t take long before he was spilling over Finn’s hand and his own stomach. Another couple thrusts and Finn was pulling him tight against his chest as he also finished.

Kurt covered Finn’s arms with his own and they held each other like that until they were both able to focus. Finn pulled out carefully and after a quick clean up helped Kurt to roll so he was lying on his back. Kurt smiled up at Finn who kissed him and said, “That was awesome right?”

Kurt cupped Finn’s cheek, “Yes, sweetie, that was awesome.”

“I’m not surprised,” Finn said, his words broken up with yawns, “it’s always better with feelings.”

“Everything else can wait until tomorrow. We both need to get some sleep. I love you,” Kurt said, pulling the sheet up to cover himself.

“I love you too. Sweet dreams, Kurt. I’m here if they’re not.” It wasn’t long before Finn’s soft snores filled the room and Kurt drifted off too.

***

Kurt woke up peacefully the next morning to find Finn still sound asleep and spread over most of the bed with an arm flopped across Kurt’s chest. He smiled to himself and quietly retrieved his phone from his nightstand. He had an alert for their flight later that afternoon, and a text from Elliott that was just a series of question marks. He replied with “All good. Am enjoying it. Enjoyed it very, very much if you must know. ;-)”

He knew there would be more talking to do, and people’s reactions to deal with. He wasn’t naive enough to think one group meeting and a boyfriend would mean the end of his nightmares, but he could face all that with Finn by his side. If this particular dream could come true there was really nothing holding him back from the rest.


End file.
